It’s about 7.30am, just about awake enough to start thinking about packing. Go Pro check, Camera check, laptop check, tablets check, chargers check, pants check.  Cool that’s my packing done. I’m starting to feel a bit smug with myself now, Lee hasn’t even started to pack all our clothes yet and I’m already finished.

I’m ordered out the house to go and get the Macky D’s Breakfast, you see Lee thought it would be a good idea to have a works leaving do the night before we fly out.  To be fair she’s looking in good shape, though she wasn’t the one awake all night listening to impressions of Miss Piggy.

Sat on the plane looking at  I can see the other half looking over with a disapproving shake of the head.  How the hell did she know I was on Betfair– think the old geezer sat next to me has shopped me in.  Probably cos I should have turned on flight mode about 20 minutes ago and he’s worried the plane might drop out of the sky when I press the cash out button.  I keep hearing an annoying voice in the distance, “something about a car”  I put on my noise cancelling headphones just to drown it out.

Arrived in Sicily.  I jump on my phone to get the deal of the century for hire cars, only it seems there are no automatic cars left…I can hear Lee shouting at me through her eyes. It’s deafening, I can no longer hear myself think anything other than “oh f##k”.

We enquire at one rental desk.  With the insurance it costs about the same as a 3 bed house back in Reading.  Without insurance I have to leave about 19 credit cards and one of my kids to cover the excess.   I ponder the option but decide on taking a taxi.

The Taxi driver is talking about Malta for some reason….Well until Lee points out he’s asking where in Motta do we need to go…I’m gonna have issues with the language me thinks. Taxi fare costs about the same as a 3 bed house back in Reading.

Arrived at Norman Bates Hotel. The taxi driver never knew there was a hotel here in all the years he’s been driving.  Hoping to make it to the morning alive.  To be fair it seems ok once we get to the room.  Got up for breakfast.  Unsure if what’s on show is plastic or real. Checked out and walked to our new apartment with luggage in tow.  Nothing better than lugging 50 kilos of pants up hill in 30 degree heat.

Our new apartment is really nice, (and clean), better than our house back home.  Its magnolia, I say goodbye to  the deposit, Kids are gonna wreck this place.   I’m replaying “You talking to me” in my head as Robert De Nero shows us around.

Pick up car from the airport – Rental guy tries to scam me for extra insurance.  Didn’t fall for it.  Checked car over, looks good.  Drive down motorway, seems the bumper is trying to escape. Closer inspection shows its held on by bluetack.  Dam Rental guy has got me MOFO!  Note to buy some araldite before returning the car.

Impressed with Lee’s driving, seems to fit in well in Sicily. It appears that Stop, Give Way and Speed Limit signs are for decoration.  There are more potholes than actual tarmac.

Food has been good, had pasta, pasta and pasta.  It’s the only Italian word I know.   Anyway just off for a 45 mile jog whilst I run off the carbs.



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