Waiting for Dave Large to have a free minute to blog is going to be like watching paint dry. After his first attempt he clearly needs to try again.

Last night he had his first night out with work which I’ll let him tell you about. Turns out though there was unlimited wine. Where was my invite I say!!!

All I will say is although he had 8 glasses of wine he believed he was as sober as a judge. I believed otherwise especially after asking him if he fancied some loving. His response…. “cloooouuulllddd du”. I translated this as could do. But what seemed to follow was him being transformed into Fuzzy bear growling profusely (snoring) followed by some other unearthly noise as he struggled to breathe through the wine mist that was encasing him. Miss Piggy here had to stamp her feet a couple of times.

Moving swiftly on…

I was a bit premature in posting last time. As you’ll remember I had to go to the store again to get some bits. Well needless to say it didn’t go too well. Or rather it didn’t go too well at the check out yet again.

You see there was an elder gentleman on the check out and it seems that they have a general aversion to us non Italian speaking persons. I’m sure this doesn’t apply to all elder Sicilian gentlemen before any one jumps on my case but it appears to be so for the ones I’ve had dealings with.

First came the chatting at speed in my direction. They clearly use this as the probing method to try and figure out what language their victim doesn’t speak. Then follows more chatter this time sped up even more. Unfortunately for him though I was able to catch a few of the words falling out his mouth and was able respond. “Actually I’m from England” you see aside from having a slight loathing for anything English speaking they seem to have a bigger dislike for Americans.

Any way we continue. He asks if I can speak a little Italian which I respond accordingly in Italian. He then proceeds to laugh. I would say that my fluster levels have clearly reached their peak as a young chap in the queue behind me seems to be coming to my defence and helps me.

Either way grumpy till man has just taken all 6 bottles of my water away from me. With the help of the young pup I have determined that they were on some sort of BOGOF offer. Instead of charging me for what I bought he just took them away. At this point I find I’ve reverted to Spanish bizarrely and am swearing profusely. This will confuse El bastardo!!!!

The Raptors do not help either. They’re to busy being cute and getting their faces pinched in every direction and revelling in further compliments on their blue eyes and blond hair.

Anyway off home we go once I’ve slumped over the steering wheel for a quick couple of minutes.

Once I’ve reversed into the garage (literally.. again) I can breathe a sigh of relief and know that my beloved will be home shortly.

And boy does he make an entrance. This is something else I will let him tell you about but for the purpose of my amusement I will detail it briefly here.

You see Dave forgot his phone. Left it in his mates car. Without said phone he has no way of letting me know when I need to open the gate at the top of the drive as our intercom is also up the spout.

As much as I try and keep an eye out, I also need to prep for dinner. Anyway 5 minutes after Dave is usually home I look out, see the gates open and hear a car out back. Usually Dave’s lift leaves him at the top of the drive so I go to our back balcony to have a nose.

Anyway what I see is a little Dave Large covered in mud up to his ankles. Turns out he had to trek through the field next to our apartment as there was no other way of getting in. Mid way down the field our English neighbour pulls into the drive. The evening ended with my man washing his shoes in the Bum sink.

As always my man made me laugh. This time at his expense and not mine.

My washing has been returned all nice and fresh so the posh pants are back on meaning all testicles will be held safely in place for the next 6 days.

At attempt to bounce my phone across the tiled floor has been made. Luckily only minimal damage has been sustained.

Now the rain has stopped we’ve discovered that Mount Etna is visible from our back Balcony. In my excitement yesterday I messaged Dave. “If she blows we’re going to get such a good view”. Needless to say Dave was home early yesterday with deck chair and beer in hand expecting some sort of free show. Imagine his disappointment when all he could see was a smoking volcano.

Our internet chap is back today. Already it’s been delayed by 3 hours. I really need to get used to this. Hopefully by the time I write again we’ll have a fully functioning internet service.

Benji is being eaten alive by a local mosquito. Bless him. He loved it last night when we killed the little pest (mosquito not Harry) and had blood splattered all up the Magnolia wall. I completely forgot about the blood squishing. Benji was happy although “look at all my Blood, what was he going to do with it all?” Was his first thought.

Anyway, Harry is begging for me to lift him up to peek out the spy hole in the door.

Benji has jobs to do to make up for trying to make my phone bounce.

It’s the weekend tomorrow and largey finishes today at 2.45. Happy days.

Ciao for now peeps.


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