Yes, I’m going to retire to Sicily after a big payout

After countless PPI calls, filling in forms, more phone calls, returning emails, I finally received my PPI offer this morning.  They say not to accept the first offer, but this is too good to turn down.  Even better the PPI Claim company have even offered to drop their Fee. To stop any family feuds I’ve decided to split the money six ways to make it fair, so that works out at 22p each but as £1.34 cannot be equally split 6 ways I’ve donated the extra 2 pence to charity.  I’m hoping the exchange rate is favorable, so I can buy a couple of packets of Space Invaders.

Lee is embracing the Sicilian way of driving, the other day whilst driving on the dual carriageway I look up from my phone to see the oncoming traffic rapidly filling up the windscreen.  Turns out that what Lee thought was a dual carriageway was in fact not.  Still nothing a new pair of pants can’t fix. And as I’m writing this all things clearly worked out well.

Luckily with our new-found fortune (I’m still debating to hold out, nearer £1.84 should do it) we can now afford to keep the new addition to our household.  No Lee isn’t pregnant, we subscribed to Sky a long time ago, Yes, we finally have a dog.  Apparently, I said Yes to him but that implies I had some sort of choice.  Unless of course Lee mentioned it whilst I was using my noise cancelling headphones.  Talking of which I can highly recommend a pair when you’ve got a wife and kids.

So, since getting here I have had nothing but issues with paperwork.  It seems even the gym has issues with me.  I tried to join 4 or 5 weeks ago, more questions, interrogations and evidence providing.  My colleagues have no such issue.  Joined within 10 minutes.  Finally, I get the membership expecting some beautifully crafted limited-edition gym card, but all I get is an A4 sized crumpled bit of paper with my name spelled with an 8 in it.  My colleagues are proud to show off with their nice beautifully crafted membership card.  I’ve yet to try my crumpled piece of paper or the gym as no doubt they will put me through some sort of fitness test I will fail meaning I won’t be allowed through the door, lined up and subsequently shot.

Benji is making great progress with his windsurfing.  Me on the other hand not so good. I’m going backwards, I would say literally but any kind of movement would be a plus.  It really needs you to be at your fittest which I am truly not.  Proven by the fact that by time I manged to get into the wet-suit I was reaching for the defibrillator. On a positive note I am enjoying it and if they ever have a sport when you need to jump on, jump off, jump on then watch this space.

DAVE LARGE the JUMPY Off’r and On’r WORLD CHAMP has a certain ring to it, no?

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